Sean Kaufman

Through our chat, Sean and I remind each other of a motto we coincidentally share - find comfort in the discomfort. There’s a buoyancy about Sean that comes in waves throughout our chat. While he bakes to one hundred degrees in New York City, he shows up as chill as an ocean breeze. We speak about sunsets and closure, tide pulls, and the joy of flux. We laugh at the pranks pulled on set and how Sean found best friends among his castmates. We find stillness in conversations around grief, as the series depicts loss in various ways, showing that heartache holds no prejudice. There is a peaceful rise and fall during our time together, just like an ocean’s tide. Eyes on the horizon, Sean floats on, rolling with whatever life may bring to the surface next.

The Summer I Turned Pretty’s final season is streaming weekly on Amazon Prime Video.

Starting with a fun question, what song would you choose to describe how you are feeling today?
Oh, gosh. Probably “Feels Like Summer” by Childish Gambino. It’s hot outside, and I feel like going out and blasting it on my speaker while I walk through the park or something.

That is a great summer vibe! Viewers love the soundtrack for The Summer I Turned Pretty. What song would be Steven’s anthem?
That's a great question. The one song I'd choose for him specifically is probably “Hey Steven” by Taylor Swift. And I know you didn't ask this [laughs], but the one song that I love more than anything in the show for Steven and Taylor would be “Moon River” by Frank Ocean.  Those two songs are synonymous with the show for me.

I’m a huge fan of “Moon River.” I haven’t listened to “Hey Steven” though. I’ll have to give it a play after this!
Oh, it’s so good! I didn't listen to Taylor Swift much until I got on this show. I felt like it would be a wise decision; I didn’t want to upset the millions of Swifties out there!

I read in a previous interview that you are an older brother, like Steven. How do you think your sister would describe you in three words?
Maybe ten years ago, she'd say annoying, stupid, and dumb [laughs]. Now, I'd think she would say loving, caring…and I hope that she'd still say annoying!

[laughs] Those are great sibling words.  I'm the younger sibling of my sister, and I think she would probably choose those for me as well. We're best friends, so it's fun seeing Steven and Belly's dynamic in the show.
That’s so sweet! Sibling dynamics are so intricate; there are so many layers. Every single sibling dynamic is inherently the same in some way, with you saying that your sister would describe you in the same way that my sister would describe me. It’s the same at the core, but then every single circumstance is different, because so much of a sibling relationship is not only based on you and your other sibling, but your parents, too. I find it so interesting and enjoy diving into it.

I agree, there’s really no relationship that is similar to the sibling dynamic.
For sure. My parents went through some health scares a couple of years ago, and they sat my sister and me down and said, “Look, you might have a girlfriend or a boyfriend or friends, but the only person that is going to really be there when we’re gone is your sibling. You only have each other.” Siblings often take for granted that we are constants in each other’s lives, so it’s like you can be so mean and annoying because your sibling isn’t going to leave you. It’s like, “You’re stuck with me!” If I'm mean and annoying to a friend, they can just be like, “Oh, that's kind of whack” and leave.

Thinking about long days filming, how do you tend to unwind and decompress after a long day?
I like to do a lot of sports. That's kind of counterintuitive after an exhausting day, but I tend to want to tire my body out more. I'm a big sports guy, and I also love a drink after work. My co-star, Chris [Briney] and I lived together during the shooting of seasons two and three, and after work, we would just constantly go golfing or play basketball. We started rock climbing, too, which was super fun. I think those activities are just a way to exhaust the body, but also get your mind off of everything else. It helps me get out of my head.

What qualities of Steven do you admire the most?
 This might just be a TV thing, but I have admired how willing he is to listen and change. Season three is a season of real change. Some life-altering stuff happens. Throughout the first two seasons, he’s constantly trying to listen and change and be better. Sometimes he almost does it on a dime, which is so cool because that’s a little more difficult for me.

I consider myself someone who tries to listen and change, but it takes me a while. If somebody tells me I did something wrong, my first impulse is to get defensive and stubborn. It takes me a little bit to open up. One thing I really try to take from Steven is his ability to just be like, “Oh, someone's telling me I messed up, so I messed up. Let me listen and change.”

Change, for me, starts with this feeling of denial. I leave it, then start to try to understand it, but I don't know what the next step is. I try and I fail and I try and I fail. My friends let me get away with it because they know that I ultimately do want to change. Steven seems to get there pretty dang quickly.

There is, of course, a big plot around loss and grief that follows the characters in the show, and they all move through their grief in different ways. How important do you think these themes around grief are in our media?
 My co-star, Rain Spencer, said it best. She told me - because she's much smarter than I am - that grief is not linear. Growing is not linear, and grief is not linear. I think that is a really important message that we try to put forth in the show. We have all these different characters with different relationships to this character, who they lose. They all deal with it tremendously differently, which is really important.

I am always interested in the fan reaction to certain scenes. I think it's so important that we show all different kinds of grief, even when it's not perceived as the “right way to grieve.” There are so many times when people can just feel different things, and it causes them to clash. There are instances in the show when people hurt each other because of their opposing grief. I hope people can feel like they are not alone in the way that they feel. There's never a single time when you're the only person on earth who has ever gone through a certain experience. I hope that thought brings comfort.

Yeah, and the show especially shows these kids in states of grief. Sometimes they clash, sometimes they lean on each other. Having this in the media, of youth experiencing grief, is really important to see right now.
I’m really glad you said that. I totally agree.  They are kids. They're seventeen years old, dealing with the death of one of the most important people in their lives. Sometimes people can forget that they’re characters and really judge them for their actions. I constantly try to remind people that I know it's a TV show, but it's realistic in the sense that they are kids. They're going to make mistakes and do the wrong thing and feel the wrong thing, whatever that means. Hopefully, other seventeen-year-olds, and younger and younger, can just try to give themselves a little more grace.

A big theme in The Summer I Turned Pretty is the intricacies of love as well. How has your time playing Steven altered your perspectives on love?
 That’s a good one. Steven has taught me to just go for what I want and love. If you get shut down, you get shut down. That's fine. You miss a hundred per cent of the shots you don't take. In season two, Steven knows he has feelings for Taylor, and he pines after her. I'm the exact opposite. For most of my life, I've had feelings for a girl and then harboured those feelings for years and years and years and never said anything because I'm too scared of rejection. Steven has helped me to just go for it. Like, go for it, you wimp! What's the worst thing that could happen?

When do you remember laughing the hardest on set?
 Wow, that's genuinely such a good question. The problem is that there are too many. It's ridiculous. Chris and I stole Gavin's car on set while he was working, and he ran along the highway. Another is when our other friend, and my current roommate, David [Iacono], wrapped on the show, we put a pie in his face outside the studio.

One I think of a lot, though, happened during the beach campfire scene in season one. It's when Steven is dragging Belly, and is like, “What are you doing here?” Belly falls in the sand, and Conrad looks at her. I forget how it started, but Chris’s line was just saying, “Belly.” The first time he said it was just so funny. Lola [Tung] just started cracking up, and for the next hour, everybody was just laughing every time Chris would say his line. We couldn't get a take, and Lola had tears in her eyes from laughing.

How has your approach to portraying Steven evolved throughout the seasons?
I'm very lucky that Jenny Han, our writer, feels very collaborative. I’m lucky that I have a say in what happens with Steven and where his character can go. One of the things that was really important was to look at this full arc of Steven all the way from season one to this final season. It’s one thing that I'm really excited to share with you guys in season three.

In season one, Steven is this sassy kid, but a really hard worker who’s a nose-to-the-grindstone type. He thinks he knows what he wants because he's seventeen years old. He thinks success and money will make his life easier. Then in this final season, there’s this full circle moment where people will love this new relationship he has with work, and he’s battling with life-altering experiences. He starts to question what his passions are and what he wants to do in life. I'm excited for you guys to see Steven’s arc be completed. It’s exciting watching him grow. I tell people all the time, Steven leads with his heart and then with his mouth. [laughs] He loves everybody, but he won't stop talking!

This is the last season of The Summer I Turned Pretty. What feelings surface when you think of this chapter closing?
 Oh man, I think the end of this season was similar to the first and second endings. In the first and second seasons, we didn’t know if we were getting other seasons. Every time we would wrap, it felt super emotional. I think I cried all three seasons that we wrapped.

One of the worst parts about a season ending is not being able to see people that I love so much. I'm very lucky that Chris and I are still really good friends, and we both live in the same city, so I see him all the time. But I won’t see Rain Spencer, for example, for like six months when we're not filming. It breaks my heart. I love that girl so much. So that's probably the thing that really, really hurts the most when everybody finishes the season. It's strange because when we’re shooting, we spend like fourteen hours a day, seven days a week with each other, you know? Then, all of a sudden, it just stops, and we're supposed to go back to normal life. I'm like, “Wait, but you were such a big part of my everyday life!”

What was the last day on set like?
Oh, it was beautiful. I wish I could go into more detail, but it was just a culmination of this whole season that we worked really hard on. That day, I literally don't think I had any lines; I could just chill out a bit. I remember being able to take this big deep breath, and I was thinking, “We did it. We made another season.” I remember the most beautiful sunset I've ever seen in my life that day, too, while being surrounded by the people I love the most. Together, we all took a deep sigh of relief. It’s a very fond memory in my heart. I’m not a religious person…I believe in something, I just don't know what exactly, but you can't help but look at a sunset and be like, “Wow, the universe made that.” It’s amazing.

The cast is a tight-knit group. How did this community and support influence your experience during the filming of the show?
It was everything, and it changed everything. I was a twenty-one-year-old who had just moved to North Carolina for my first-ever project and was too scared to say hi to anybody. You hear horror stories in our business. Like, this A-lister who's the greatest actor of all time is the worst person ever. You're like, “Oh, thanks for ruining that.” So, I was terrified at first. But right after we met, I was like, “These are my best friends ever.” I formed a relationship with them, not only at work, because they're tremendous actors, but outside of work, too. In New York or even in North Carolina, we would get drinks or play volleyball or sneak into places together. [laughs] It helped us build a familial relationship instantly that I think the show needs. The connection we all formed also informed a lot of other things in my life. I realised I don't have to be so pessimistic. This business is really cool, and you can let new people into your life.

What does your ideal working environment look like?
Well,  The Summer I Turned Pretty was a great working environment. If I had to pick a perfect one, it might be that. I don't think that's an answerable question for me, though, because every new working environment feels like the perfect working environment. I think comfort is the death of an artist, and as long as I can live in discomfort and keep on doing new things with new people, that is perfect for me. It’s the end goal for me.

I also hold the phrase “find comfort in the discomfort” close to me as an artist. It’s a really nice perspective to have that can foster a lot of growth and expansion.
For sure. I think a lot of people are also just scared of discomfort, but it can really help us. I mean, it is, of course, a really scary thing. There's a reason it's scary. It's a terrifying thing, so sometimes you have to reward yourself for even just doing it.

What does your personal space and environment look like away from work?
One of the things I've learned to live with is that my life when I'm not working is kind of like a beach. The waves just pull in and out at all times, and I learn to go with the flow. Sometimes that is uncomfortable - the tide pulls back and my feet are cold, and I'm waiting for it to come back, but it doesn’t for a while. I've learned that everything really will be alright. I have to convince myself of that message, maybe two times a day. [laughs] Just because it's not alright now doesn't mean that the world's going to end. I try to carry that message a lot.

What has been your most memorable summer in childhood or adulthood?
 Honestly, Lola and I grabbed dinner the other night, and we're both nostalgic people, but I told her that probably one of the best summers of my life was the summer we shot the first season. I hope all the fans out there felt it while watching the show. It was so magical. I don't think any of us knew what we were doing. We didn't know the reach of the show or anything. We were just six friends, literally messing around and making a show. We'd finish shooting and go out after. It was the ultimate summer camp! It makes me emotional. I'm such a nostalgic guy.

I’m also super nostalgic.
Yes, thank you! You get it.

If you could paint the perfect imagery of your future in the next few years, what would it look like?
Hopefully, I will keep working. Unhealthily, or maybe healthily, I base a lot of my life on work. I'd love to keep working, but more importantly, I hope that the tide keeps pushing and pulling. I like to believe that it will be no different from the way my life has gone thus far. I hope the water won’t suddenly just dry up. I want to keep rolling with that tide!

I also hope for good health, and that my family and everyone in the cast have good health. I hope to be happy! I don’t know what that will look like or how it will unfold in the next couple of years, but through everything - any success or failure - I hope I can keep a strong sense of self. I hope I can keep being at the beach, watching the tide go in and out and remain calm and happy.