Misia Butler

An understanding cracks in the air between Misia and me as we listen to each other with wide smiles and untempered laughs. Both growing up with a deep love of Greek mythology, we bond over the Percy Jackson series and how much of the myths and lore have followed us into adulthood with great influence. Misia has an energy that only so few can gracefully hold with such purpose, with an aura basked in empathy, kindness, and strength. It’s no wonder he is playing the role of Caeneus in Kaos, as the character holds so many of the same qualities. Misia’s smile is contagious as he speaks on what an honour it has been to step into the role, especially with Caeneus being such a huge part of his adolescence, as well as his journey with transitioning.

Though Misia is thoughtful and musing in his responses, like the silence between a flash of lightning and a roar of thunder, he is not the calm before the storm. Misia is the eye of the storm himself - a place of pure, unmoving tranquillity in the state of flood-fledged chaos. And what’s life without a healthy dose of chaos? The thunderbolts of life may strike, but through it all Misia is learning to keep a groundedness that leads his mind and body forward in gentleness and resilience. Misia says our conversation was like one he’d have with a best friend as we touched upon a range of topics from how our bodies react to cold plunges to the intersectionalities of identities. We meet each other in the middle, and every step of the way feels like a homecoming as we remind ourselves of the many evolutions we’ve already had within ourselves and the joy and anticipation of the ones to come.

Kaos is out now on Netflix.

I bet where you are in London has slipped into the heat of summer!
Actually, we’ve been having some of the most ‘London’ weather ever - half of the day it’s beautiful and sunny, then it rains the other half of the day! It was lovely earlier and now, right when I get in front of the camera, it starts raining. My natural window light is gone! [laughs]

Well, speaking of summer, what is your favourite activity during this time of year?
I’ve basically given myself the title of a self-professed forest boy. I love being in parks and nature in general. I'm quite blessed living in London because as big cities go, it's got some pretty great parks. I love Hampstead Heath, just lying in the grass.

I totally agree. I loved Primrose Hill when I was living in London. There are so many amazing green areas scattered throughout the city.
Right! I felt especially lucky during lockdown, where you would have those spaces to go to. Then later on, as things were opening up, you'd have these public spaces where you could meet up with people. I can't imagine what it would have felt like in a much more closed-off city.

What’s one thing lately that has been helping you stay in the present moment?
Oh gosh, good question.

I’m hitting you with the deep questions.
[laughs] No, it’s great! Genuinely. My best friend is the same, this is like most of our conversations. It's going to have to be the same answer, actually. In the last year or so, I’ve specifically been trying to foster that relationship with nature. And as we’ve been saying with the weather, I've seen that our relationship with nature is at its crisis point. In the most personal way I can, I'm trying to learn the names of trees and plants and simply do more than just see them as a backdrop. I want to let nature influence me and take in those moments. There's a lovely big sycamore tree outside my house, so I can just look at that and anchor.

What’s a unique or special experience you have had recently?
I had a beautiful moment not too long ago, maybe last week, where I was feeling…not necessarily anxious, but just strange in myself and my emotions. I was trying to connect to things but it wasn't really happening. So, I went to Hampstead Heath and sat on this bench in some lovely weather, where it wasn't crazy hot like we were talking about, but it was just mild, the sun was vaguely setting, and I could see a bit of the city, but mostly it was just the trees and the grass…and I started crying. I have no idea why, really. It was just a grateful cry - that space I was in reminded me of all the things I'm grateful for. Yeah, I got super overwhelmed and it was a beautiful moment.

That is so beautiful, and those moments can be so personally intimate and enlightening as well. You’re making me miss Hampstead Heath! I love the ponds there.
I totally agree. And the ponds! I will say, that I have pretty low blood pressure, so if I go into the ponds at any time of year, I feel like I’m going to pass out from how cold I am!

Oh, I’m the same. The water is really cold where I live since I’m in the mountains, and I have low blood pressure too. Every time I get in the water I have to just sit down after and drink a juice or something.
Right! And so many people say how great cold plunges are for your body…I need to work on it!

So, you are portraying Caeneus in the new series, Kaos. What’s something that really drew you in when first hearing about this role?
I've said this so many times to friends and family, but I remember the exact moment because I just broke down when I got the email. My entire body reacted. My gut dropped because I was so scared of not getting the role. The mythological character, Caeneus, has meant so much to me for such a long time. I remember learning about him in school. I had a really cool, tattooed Latin teacher in school when I was young. She was so iconic and gave us this translation from The Metamorphoses, and I became obsessed with Caeneus as a character. To see him as one of the leads in Kaos, but also in a show that's written by Charlie Covell for Netflix, is just overwhelming.

There is a satisfying humour and bite in Kaos that is dark and twisted, but also somehow still relatable. Is this genre one you tend to gravitate towards as a performer and viewer?
I never knew I could be part of that genre as a performer, as it is such a witty thing. You have people like Jeff Goldblum, who is just fabulous in the show, and I think he was born to play the role of Zeus. I look at him and think he’s incredible. Having that wit is so, so good. But having such a good writer like Charlie helped so much in quelling my anxieties about being a performer in this show because the writing is so witty and clever, and just so truthful. It feels very much like this British humour that is darkly comedic, so it felt very natural.

In the story of Caeneus, he is transformed into a man after being sexually assaulted by Poseiden. In the myths, it’s said he’s transformed to be seen as “invulnerable”. What is your relationship with “vulnerability”?
That's a really good question. Vulnerability is such a big word that comes up with me and my friends and in my life in general. It's something I navigated a lot in exploring my masculinity because growing up I was so scared of vulnerability; I thought it made me too feminine, too effeminate. But I often found myself being a very vulnerable person - I'd cry at everything. Then, growing up, I lost that. I lost that ability to cry. When I transitioned, there was about a year when I just couldn't cry. It felt stifling, and it reset my relationship with my emotions and being vulnerable with people. Vulnerability is a superpower, especially in this career. You can't be an actor or performer without having some relationship with your vulnerability.

Me and Charlie talked about vulnerability a lot when we were developing the character together. It was such an important thing for them to explore having someone who's kind of a hero in the show. He's one of the few people we follow and is integral to the story, and his superpower is his vulnerability, his empathy, and his kindness. That's such an important thing to see, especially in a masculine male. Well, not that I'm super masc [laughs], but in a male-presenting hero.

As you said, there’s a gentleness and empathy that Caeneus holds, but he also has so much strength and resilience. What have you learnt from him during your time getting into his character?
It comes down to what we were just talking about, and what you were saying about the groundedness. I’ve found throughout the process of playing him, that there is the ability to marry the two - that vulnerability and that gentleness, as you say. There is a delicacy he has that accompanies a resolute sense of self. I can be a bit of a people pleaser sometimes, but I also have gone on a long journey to discover who I am. I have a unique experience with that, and to hold onto both a gentleness and uncompromised sense of self can be difficult, but Caeneus has helped me find that.

I recently listened to a podcast episode you were on, “From Queer to Eternity”. I felt really moved by the episode, and you have such beautiful language around these topics of queerness, transitioning, and finding joy and freedom through that. Would you say, overall, you are quite open around the discourse of your own experiences and journey?
Yeah, first, thank you so much! It's something that has always been very present and at the forefront of my career. The first few jobs I did were playing trans roles, and obviously, Caeneus is a trans role. I've also had the privilege of playing roles where my transness doesn't come into it, and I think that's really important too, but it's not something I've ever wanted to remove from my identity or my public identity. I have such a great network of people around me who can show me again and again how my relationship with these things is a superpower in itself. When you have to look at yourself intensely at quite a young age, it can be really difficult, but it can also give you a lot of strength.

What would you say are the greatest ways to support queer people in our current climate, especially with trans issues and mental health?
The biggest and strongest thing with these movements has been listening to people's personal stories, and being able to really listen and empathise. That often gets lost in the way we interact with people online, and often, politically, it can detract from the personal side of these experiences. There are so many amazing groups and organisations in the UK that were very integral to me growing up. Gendered Intelligence saw me through, and is the reason that I'm an actor today! I did an acting course through them, and they got me my first audition. They remain such an important resource, and they continue to do amazing work in supporting spaces where young people can explore and don't have to have all the answers yet.

There have been more books, series and films recently that are still paying tribute to the grittier parts of being queer, but are shining a light on the true joy and celebration of queerness as well. How important do you think these narratives are?
They're both important - the joy and heaviness. I grew up watching so many narratives in which versions of me, or the characters I projected myself onto, would end up usually with some sort of violent or quite horrific death. It leaves you with a little bit of a bleak outlook on your existence. Even when you're just going through life and you don't die, there's often such a focus on stress, hardship, pain, and trauma. I think that's important to show people and should not be washed over, but there's been such a skewed perception of the more tragic storylines, especially with my experience of queerness. You have to balance it out with those joyful and celebratory narratives. It's a breath of fresh air. Sometimes we need something to put on to forget ourselves and the world and feel a bit warm and fuzzy. Having these stories is so important to do that. It gives you so much hope.

For sure. I feel so grateful that the younger lgbtq+ population has access to beautiful narratives in the media that we didn’t have as much growing up. Although social media can be a double-edged sword, the communities people can find support in and be a part of are beautiful as well.
Yeah, absolutely. I found a lot of community online while growing up as a teenager, and found other people whose experiences seemed to correlate with mine. And watching TV shows that made us feel seen was a great way of bonding as well!

Speaking of bonding, Caeneus really loves the company of the three-headed dog, Fotis, in Kaos. What is a mythological creature that you wish you could have as a companion?
Oh, that is…gosh, I’m just going to keep saying “What a good question” after literally every question! [laughs] This is a hard question because do you go with a much bigger creature, like an imposing chimaera? Or do I go with a pegasus, and just fly everywhere? I think pegasuses are just beautiful. Horses in general are already stunning! The book series Percy Jackson influenced me slightly because of the pegasus, Blackjack. That was always such a good relationship in the book.

Oh, gosh. I’m such a huge Percy Jackson fan. That was the series that sparked my love for reading. And you could just have both a chimaera and pegasus. Best of both worlds!
Yes! I realised I just chose the two creatures from the Bellerophon myth, where he rides on a pegasus to kill a chimaera. But instead, I would just befriend the chimaera. I’d still ride the pegasus, but make friends with the chimaera!

There we go. We’re leading with kindness and empathy!
[laughs] Exactly - we’re trying to move through the world with those two things.

I love a modern twist to mythology. In Kaos, there’s the aspect of retelling, but the issues of our current climate are very prominent. How do you find Kaos nods towards the present moment?
What is so powerful about myths in general is that they are transcendent - they resonate throughout the ages. That's why we are still telling these stories from thousands of years ago. As we've talked about earlier, we still find ourselves in these narratives, because they just speak to a universality of feeling.

I think Charlie's done a great job of setting up these spaces that feel so familiar. It's a world with Zeus in tracksuits and people driving around in great cars, but also with this magical element that feels exciting and thrilling. Each character holds such truth in the way that Charlie's written them. You've got Eurydice, who's played by the amazing Aurora Perrineau, who is dry and witty. I love her character. Then there’s this kind of silly Zeus, who can be horrifically cruel as well. It's the nuance these characters have - they're never one thing. They have so many layers to them, and Charlie brings out the complex characters behind all of these myths in a very truthful way.

How would you like to see representation of trans and queer people show up in the media that still celebrates these identities, but isn’t the forefront of the narrative?
I feel very blessed with Kaos, and with the way Charlie's written it because with Caeneus, he's so very much a trans person - it's never shied away from or muddied. Caeneus very much holds that as a central part of his identity, and it comes in the way that his myth is combined with another myth that creates a very tumultuous backstory for him. We see that he's so strong in his transness, and it's never something he is grappling with. For me, it’s a refreshing aspect of the character, because in my stage of transition, I also feel very settled in my transness. But I think it will always morph and change, and I am excited to see the way my relationship with my gender changes over time. It's a very beautiful thing.

I feel so much more settled than I ever have within my identity, so being able to play a role like this and getting to be a bit of a hero as well is wonderful. Caeneus’ primary story in terms of forward movement is not embedded in his transness, but informed by it. That is the key to representation rather than tokenisation.

That is beautifully said. I would love to see more of that in all genres!
I would love to see those narratives more in rom-coms!

Oh, please be in a rom-com.
[laughs] I actually recently got asked what my dream role would be, and I said either a horror or a rom-com! I would love to see a horror film with a full queer cast. That would be incredible. And make it a little campy too!

So much of the horror genre is already so queer-coded, as well.
Yes! And with rom-coms, they're also so camp. I'd love to explore that more!

The representation of queer and trans people in media is certainly getting better, but there’s still so much growth to be had. What are the ways you feel the media could be better around lgbtq+ representation?
I think we touched on it there. It’s really that sense of the complexity and the diversity of experiences. We're getting there, actually…but also we'll never be there, because you can't explore the totality of the diversity of experiences within any identity. But I think with shows like Kaos and with shows like Heartstopper and so many others coming up, you have this beauty of the hard, the beautiful, the power, the tragedy of these existences. Just showing the full range of what it's like to be queer is the best way of going about it.

With gender identity and the journey of feeling at home in one’s body, for myself, there can at times be a large gap between my mind and body connection. What is your own experience with this, either past or present?
Yeah, as you just said, it's something that’s such a lifelong journey, and I'm coming to terms with how much it will continue to change throughout my life. There are so many ways in which our bodies can change in our relationships with others. Bodies can change from experiences that are completely out of our control but also can come from an internal place like the connection between mind and body.

I’m doing a lot at the moment to try to connect those two things. Obviously throughout my teenage years, and my childhood, there was such a journey with that, in terms of my relationship to gender and how that informed what I felt about my body. Having transitioned, it's so interesting because now I have the space to look at the minutiae of it and the ways that my emotions come into my body and how that shifts month by month, week by week, day by day. I feel so privileged to have had that time, where I needed to really look at myself and figure out what was going on there because it's left me with this space in which I'm so aware, detailed and interested in my relationship to mind and body. That's so helpful for regulating emotion and processing trauma or processing any kind of anxiety.

Yeah, that’s such a lovely mentality to have as well in approaching and navigating these mind-body connections. And the more space you can create for that, I think the more you can tend to it.
And I think it's also quite a universal thing. I talk to friends, some of whom are queer, some of whom aren't. The different intersectionalities of identity, the ways that race or disability or all kinds of different aspects of our existences can come into those relationships…sometimes there's such a beauty in connecting with someone who has a very different experience than you, but somehow you have a very similar experience on a more baseline level.

Absolutely. Those sorts of connections are some of the most beautiful parts of life. For me, my sexuality and gender are something that I truly can’t separate from my identity as a human being because it feels like such a large part of myself. I think this can look so different for every person, though. What is your relationship with your identity, simply as a magnificent and wonderful human being?
That’s such a sweet question! [laughs] Crazy, that’s just so gorgeous. You feel like one of my best friends!

[laughs] Well if we’re ever in the same place we’ll have to do a cold plunge, try not to pass out, and talk about the wonders of being human beings.
And read Percy Jackson!

Of course!
Culturally, we're in a really big moment, where everyone's connecting to all the different tools in which we can connect with our identities. One of the biggest ones I've seen, although there are so many forms of this, are star signs and astrology. Many people use these tools and these kinds of mythologies, really, as languages to explore their identity and the way they hold emotion, the way they think about themselves, and the way they connect with the world. A lot of people scoff at it or are sceptical, and I understand that too. I hold a little bit of both mentalities around it. I mean, I’m a Libra rising, so I have to navigate that. [laughs] But I think they are great tools to use in stories to explore who we are. They help people figure out who they want to be.

That’s such a nice perspective on astrology that I haven’t thought of! And now I want to know your big three signs.
[laughs] Well, I did mention Cancer season just earlier today. My birthday was yesterday.

Happy birthday!
Thank you! So, I’m a Cancer sun, Leo moon…so an actor-diva! And, yeah, a Libra rising.

Those are great signs. I have a lot of loved ones in my life who are Cancers, and I’m a Capricorn, so I think I do gravitate towards water signs. No wonder we’re having such a fun time together! What did you do for your birthday, if you’re comfortable sharing that?
Yeah, for sure. It was a really beautiful time. I had a few people over on the weekend and I often love to do a big themed birthday party. Slightly embarrassingly, this one was “Sexual Awakenings.” You didn’t necessarily have to come as your sexual awakening, though that was definitely encouraged. We had all kinds of different outfits, it was quite fun. We had a few rogue costumes!

That's such a perfect theme, I love that! I might steal that for my birthday this year.
Please do, it was great.

What is a piece of art that has had a big impact on you?
You know, I was about to say again that this is such a good question because it is! Something that always resonates with me is the movie Tomboy by Céline Sciamma. It’s such a beautiful film and so well-observed. It's a great exploration of a childhood that can be queer or not. The film is very much embedded in a queer lens which I think is why I resonated so much with it. It felt so much like my childhood, but it's also quite a universal childhood experience. The story is told so delicately and beautifully, and it was probably one of the first pieces of art where I felt genuinely, and properly seen. There were so many other pieces where I was projecting myself onto it, feeling a connection, yet there was always something missing that I had to fill in, and Tomboy pulled me in and held me tight and was like, you're real.

What is a myth or story from your childhood that had a prominent influence on you?
Well, the story of Caeneus was prominent, but I learned about it when I was a bit older, like fifteen or sixteen. At that point, that was a big moment, obviously being in my mid-teens. But growing up, I remember hearing about the story of Atalanta as well - I think she and Caeneus were both Argonauts. She's the only female Argonaut and was just such a badass. I was always quite frustrated by the golden apples myth where she gets tricked into marrying a man, but I think some of her other myths with the hunting of the boars and stuff were great. Growing up, she represented that you can be whoever you want to be. She was unapologetically herself and that was beautiful.

I love her myths as well! You just jogged my memory about the golden apple…I remember I was so bummed about that, too. Gosh, can no Greek myths be feminist? [laughs]
[laughs] Ancient Greek myths? Where is your feminism?!

That should be a T-shirt! The first part on the front, the second on the back.
Yes! That’s so funny.

There are a lot of omens and symbols in Greek mythology. If you could pick a symbol for your life, what would it be?
Oh, wow. Well, there's this sort of water wheel in Kaos…which has a name in the show that I'm completely blanking on. It’s in Zeus’ garden and is a beautiful image that they've created. Maybe I'm just being such a water sign right now, but I'm really embracing fluidity in so many different forms, and the way it can be really grounding, strangely. So that physical image upholds that feeling, weirdly.

Misia, thank you so much for such a lovely conversation. It’s truly been a beautiful time!
Absolutely! These were gorgeous, gorgeous questions. As I said, it felt like chatting with one of my best friends!